13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

“Kick bad mental habits and toughen yourself up.”—Inc.

Master your mental strength—revolutionary new strategies that work for everyone from homemakers to soldiers and teachers to CEOs.

Everyone knows that regular exercise and weight training lead to physical strength. But how do we strengthen ourselves mentally for the truly tough times? And what should we do when we face these challenges? Or as psychotherapist Amy Morin asks, what should we avoid when we encounter adversity? Through her years counseling others and her own experiences navigating personal loss, Morin realized it is often the habits we cannot break that are holding us back from true success and happiness. Indulging in self-pity, agonizing over things beyond our control, obsessing over past events, resenting the achievements of others, or expecting immediate positive results holds us back. This list of things mentally strong people don’t do resonated so much with readers that when it was picked up by Forbes.com it received ten million views.

Now, for the first time, Morin expands upon the thirteen things from her viral post and shares her tried-and-true practices for increasing mental strength. Morin writes with searing honesty, incorporating anecdotes from her work as a college psychology instructor and psychotherapist as well as personal stories about how she bolstered her own mental strength when tragedy threatened to consume her.

Increasing your mental strength can change your entire attitude. It takes practice and hard work, but with Morin’s specific tips, exercises, and troubleshooting advice, it is possible to not only fortify your mental muscle but also drastically improve the quality of your life.

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

What is Mental Strength?

We all possess some degree of mental strength, but there is always room for improvement. People aren’t just categorized into mentally strong and mentally weak.

Developing mental strength is about your ability to regulate your emotions, manage your thoughts, and behave in a positive manner.

Mental strength comes easily to some people as some are generally predisposed to physical strength than the other, but it doesn’t mean others can’t have such strength as well, you just have to develop and maintain it. It makes you resistant to stress and improves your contentment with life. It also enhances and increases your performance in whatever goal you choose.

Keep reading to find out the 13 things mentally strong people don’t do.

Mentally strong people don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves

Sometimes as humans, something tragic and irreversible happens to us but that is no excuse to give up.

And although sadness is a normal and healthy emotion, dwelling on your sorrow or misfortune is self-destructive. Whatever the problem is, always know that there is always a light at the end of every dark tunnel. It is good to remember that sadness is a part of life and grief is okay, but thinking other people have it better is unhealthy.

Indulging in self-pity hinders living a full life in the following ways:

• It is a waste of time. Feeling sorry for yourself requires a lot of mental energy and actually does nothing to change the situation.

• It leads to more negative emotions. Once you allow it to hold, self-pity will ignite a flurry of other negative emotions like loneliness and resentment.

• It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you feel sorry for yourself, you’re unlikely to perform at your best. And as a result, you may experience more problems and increased failures.

• It prevents you from dealing with other emotions. Self-pity can stall your progress from healing and moving forward as it keeps the focus on why things should be different rather than accepting the situation for what it is.

• It causes you to overlook the good in your life. Self-pity causes you to forget five good things that happened and focus on one bad thing.

• It interferes with relationships. A victim mentality is not an attractive trait. Complaining about how bad your life is will wear on the people around you quickly. We all experience pain and sorrow one way or the other and it is in facing it that we become stronger.

Mentally strong people don’t give away their power

There is always someone we feel is against us. It is unavoidable. They are there to be unbearably intrusive and irritating, to undermine your authority, and undoubtedly get on your nerves.

It is perfectly reasonable and human to get incensed and want to react. But it is unhealthy to devote much time and energy to nurturing those negative emotions as you are effectively giving them power over you to control your reaction to your emotions.

The following are the problems that come with giving away your power:

• You depend on other stop regulate your feelings

• You let other people define your self-worth

• You avoid addressing the real problem

• You become a victim of your circumstances

• You become highly sensitive to criticism

• You lose sight of your goals

• You ruin relationships

Mentally strong people don’t shy away from change

Change is a part of life, it is a part of being human. But it is hard, and even though we know we will improve our lives if we embrace it, we often resist it because our routine is easy and comfortable. It is okay to be afraid of change.

There are five stages of change:

• Pre-contemplation: When people are pre-contemplative, they don’t yet identify any need to change.

• Contemplation: People who actively contemplative are considering the pros and cons of making a change.

• Preparation: This is the stage where people prepare to effect a change. They establish a plan with concrete steps that identify with what they want to do differently.

• Actions: This is where the concrete behavioral changes take place.

• Maintenance: This step is often overlooked but it is essential. It is important to plan ahead so as to maintain lifestyle changes in the face of obstacles.

If what you are attempting to change is too much and you attempt it alone, it is doomed to fail. It is then you need to accept help and support from people you trust and also take it one step after another, committing to the goals you have set.

Mentally strong people don’t focus on things they cannot control

There are several problems associated with trying to control everything:

• It leads to increased anxiety

• It wastes time and energy

• It ruins relationships

• It makes you judge others harshly

• You’ll unnecessarily blame yourself for everything.

Learn to let certain things go. Understand that some things are just beyond your control. Holding on sometimes hurts more than letting go. If you’ve exhausted all possible options to get something to work your way and it doesn’t, it would be unreasonable, unhealthy, and unwise to keep at it.

Trying to get total control in a sphere of your life could affect other aspects negatively and render you blind to what is taking place until it is too late.

Mentally strong people don’t worry about pleasing everyone

It is good to have a pleasant personality but attempts to be a nice person can backfire when your behavior crosses over into people-pleasing. Peoplepleasing can take serious tolls on your life and make it impossible to reach your true goals.

You shouldn’t strive to develop a reputation as someone who can always meet other people’s needs. Learn to say no. There are always people that are almost impossible to say no to; you always want to give them what they want, when they want it, which can put a serious strain on us mentally, emotionally, and physically.

You cannot be liked by everyone and your aim shouldn’t be to be universally liked, as you’d be slaving away for the rest of your days.

You are not responsible for the feelings of others; instead, strive to please yourself and the people who matter to you, especially those you are certain would return your affection.

Mentally strong people are not afraid of taking calculated risks

There are times to play it safe and other times to take that leap. Not a blind leap over a yawning chasm, but one that you’ve calculated the dangers involved and the best way to tackle it, and you know you’d be better off if you take it. Sometimes, routine just doesn’t work, and you may have to switch it up or go a different way.

While it is okay to be a bit scared, don’t let it stop you from taking action and bringing that dream to reality! Changing doesn’t mean giving the entire routine up, sometimes, you just need a fresh window open to liven up your life. Take action, temper emotions with logic, and work to your strengths.

Calculate risks by putting a lot of factors into consideration, such as the potential costs and benefits.

Stepping into the unknown to take carefully calculated risks can help you reach our dreams and fulfill your goals.

Mentally strong people don’t dwell on the past

Lingering guilt, shame, and anger are just a few of the feelings that can keep you stuck in the past. You might subconsciously think, “If I stay miserable long enough, I’ll eventually be able to forgive myself. You may not even be aware that deep down, you don’t believe you deserve happiness.

Moving forward is unexplored territory and humans naturally fear what they don’t know. We want things to remain as they were before, but it can’t, and there is no point lingering on that. It is unhealthy to dwell on the past.

The past is the past and should remain there. There is little sense in clinging to the past as it is often detrimental and discourages moving forward. There are actions you have to take; don’t be held back by guilt and shame over what has happened in the past.

Focus on the problems in the present and not the past. Don’t let the past hold you back as it won’t solve a thing.

Mentally strong people don’t make the same mistakes over and over

Humans will always make mistakes; it is tied to our existence. There are some things we haven’t yet experienced, so, we all do not know yet what to choose. But the beauty of making a mistake is that you can learn from it.

Mistakes sometimes occur due to a lack of knowledge of the right thing to do. When you deny your mistakes and stand by them because of pride, you’ll find you are unable to get the true understanding or learn lessons from it. By repeating your mistakes, you won’t get anywhere and tire yourselves out doing the same thing over and over again.

Follow these steps to create a written plan that will help you avoid repeating your mistakes:

• Establish behavior that will replace the previous one

• Identify warning signs that you’re headed down the wrong path again

• Find a way to hold yourself accountable

Mentally strong people don’t resent other people’s success

Some people will always have what you don’t. It is okay to be jealous, you are human.

But the poisonous emotion of resentment will stunt the growth of your mental strength as you will spend too much energy on bitter thoughts, stressing and agonizing over their success, comparing it to yours, which is due to irrational thinking and would eventually lead to illogical behavior.

You need to realize that you don’t know what goes behind closed doors, or what your neighbors have gone through to achieve the amount of success they are enjoying

Rather than competition, you should look to establish cooperative connections. Stop focusing on other people’s successes or stressing over competition and set a healthy background for yourself!

Mentally strong people don’t give up after the first failure

People give up because they feel they cannot succeed after their first failure. While some are motivated by one failure, others often give up for so many reasons, one of which is fear, fear of trying again, and failing. Rather than facing those fears, we tend to avoid risking another failure, hide them, or make excuses for them, letting them define us. Then we spend a lot of time dwelling on our failures.

However, not everyone shares the same fears about failure. Some worry about disappointing their loved ones while others might be worried that they’re not strong enough to handle another setback.

If we truly desire success, we must have positive thoughts and the right attitude.

Mentally strong people don’t fear alone time

A lot of people don’t believe that solitude is a productive way to use their time. There is a common notion that “being alone is bad” and “being surrounded by people is good” and it pressures us to fill our social calendars. This notion is completely incorrect.

Humans are social animals but there are times when we need time to ourselves.

Although it might be scary to be alone, and sometimes, you cannot even imagine what to do without people around, it is still important that you find that you-time.

Do not think that being alone isn’t productive and won’t help you in any way. It is productive in ways that will benefit your health. So, create spare time to escape the hustle and bustle of the world, to relax, reflect and rethink your goal. Pick up meditation and reading or some hobby.

Mentally strong people don’t feel the world owes them anything

Everyone wants justice and their fair share in life, but the belief that you are owed something because of what you’ve been through or because you are an exception to the rule is unhealthy.

There are people whose sense of self-esteem goes completely overboard. They feel too awesome and wonderful to be told a “no”. Such people always expect to have their way. This is a very wrong mentality as nobody has an exclusive right to the worldthe world was here before you.

Feeling entitled to something is not in any way healthy, neither is clinging to it, as we often develop a feeling of resentment to those who get what we think we are entitled to. It won’t gain you any friends save those who have the same embittered feeling as you do.

Focus on giving, not on receiving and swallow a huge pill of humility. Get over yourself and move on!

Mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results

Progress isn’t always obvious and change isn’t often immediate, it is a gradual process. Sometimes, it is not about the time you put in but the amount of work you do to achieve your goal. We have to accept that we can’t get everything instantly. The quick fix is not always the best solution and expecting quick fixes is setting yourself up for failure and blinding yourself to newer opportunities.

The saying, “patience is a virtue” might be old and cliche but is nothing short of the truth. Impatience will lead to aggression, stress, unnecessary pressure on yourself and a lifestyle that will put people off you.

Create realistic expectations and recognize that progress is sometimes slow. This way, you will be adequately prepared for the future.

Conclusion

Reading this bite-sized book is simply not enough to increase your mental strength. You need to incorporate the strategies into your life that will help you reach your full potential.

Mental strength requires ongoing maintenance just like your physical strength. Leave room for improvements. Realize there will be bad days but don’t let them put you off. Take the bad days in stride with the good days and strive to lessen the bad days. Maintain a healthy behavior until it becomes part of you.

Try this

When you feel fearful or are scared of change, choose to not let it control you. Face your fears boldly, and don’t let them hinder you from achieving your goals.